confession.
I have a confession to make.
I'm breaking down. I'm cracking. I feel split in so many different directions. Dance, school, studies, church. I don't have time to breathe. I don't have time for myself. I don't have time to finish what i need to and want to revise. I don't have time for my family. My house has turned into a hotel. My life is a mess. I feel like i've lost control of everything. All hell broke loose. I have a thousand and one things to do. Reports to do, plans to summit, meetings to attend, work to be done, readings to be read. I don't know when all these started. I don't know how i ended up like this. I don't know anything.
I want to quit dance after feb's performance.
I want to quit children church.
I even feel like quitting teens.
Praise n woship.
EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING ON MY LIST.
I feel so distant from God... and it has been this way for a long long time. And i'm supposed to lead worship in teens this saturday. Tell me how to lead. SOMEBODY. ANYBODY. PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO LEAD WHEN I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE WORSHIPPING, MYSELF.
I'm such a hypocrite. Yes, I am. Ha. Someone take a knife n stab me to death.
Last Sunday in church, I suddenly felt like going home halfway through praise n worship. Just pack up and leave. I don't even know why i go to church anymore. Yes, things are that bad.
Can i just disappear off the face of the earth? Poof. The end. No more hweeping. Nothing. Nothing left of her. All but memories.
I'm breaking down. I'm cracking. I feel split in so many different directions. Dance, school, studies, church. I don't have time to breathe. I don't have time for myself. I don't have time to finish what i need to and want to revise. I don't have time for my family. My house has turned into a hotel. My life is a mess. I feel like i've lost control of everything. All hell broke loose. I have a thousand and one things to do. Reports to do, plans to summit, meetings to attend, work to be done, readings to be read. I don't know when all these started. I don't know how i ended up like this. I don't know anything.
I want to quit dance after feb's performance.
I want to quit children church.
I even feel like quitting teens.
Praise n woship.
EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING ON MY LIST.
I feel so distant from God... and it has been this way for a long long time. And i'm supposed to lead worship in teens this saturday. Tell me how to lead. SOMEBODY. ANYBODY. PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO LEAD WHEN I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE WORSHIPPING, MYSELF.
I'm such a hypocrite. Yes, I am. Ha. Someone take a knife n stab me to death.
Last Sunday in church, I suddenly felt like going home halfway through praise n worship. Just pack up and leave. I don't even know why i go to church anymore. Yes, things are that bad.
Can i just disappear off the face of the earth? Poof. The end. No more hweeping. Nothing. Nothing left of her. All but memories.
posted by Hwee Ping at 3:47 PM
6 Comments:
"Someone take a knife n stab me to death."
Ah... an invitation to an episode of Happy Tree Friends Live... how could i resist >:-)
You don't have to quit everything at one go. Quit one thing at a time and then see if it eases up. Doing more modules than normal means less time for other stuff, ya gotta give and take sometimes...
Disappearing? Why? You'll leave behind more than just memories. You'll leave behind a pocket of emptiness which u used to plug and keep all the goodies from slipping away.
Oh what the heck, just quit everything... but don't disappear.
Whoa I didn't know you were taking more modules than normal. Hm hey, all I can say is be happy! Why go for praise and worship and all that if you are all stressed out and upset? You should be joyous doing those things.
So I say, try to put those activities which have been giving you trouble, on hold. There is no use disappearing.
Hugs
Eme
No, i'm not taking more modules than normal. I'm just doing 5--- which is the normal work load. Bleahz.
I thought four was the norm?
nope... 5 is the norm for us. :P
thanks bro-in-christ for your words of encouragement and ur prayers... i'm going to take a break from my ministries for some time... restore my soul... come back to God again.
Talked to a good church friend of mine and she said she experienced the same thing sometime last year. She adviced me to take a break, not for too long, though.
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